Hat Naming Nonsense To Be Corrected

There was a time when hats were given correct names. For instance, the top hat worn on top of your head. The bowler hat so called because William Bowler invented it. 

But it has come to the attention of His Majesty’s Authority for Titling Sundry headwear (H.A.T.S) that hat-naming has veered off course like a boater caught in a breeze. 

Sir William Haughty-Hughes explained further…

—Take for example, the ‘baseball cap’. There are no bases or balls involved. It is merely a head-based appendage with a peak.

And Ms. Charmaine Hoitytoity also from H.A.T.S provided a further example:

—The ‘bucket hat’ what an abomination! Nobody would want to wear a bucket hat regardless of their proximity to an Oasis. Fishermen have been traumatised by this wilful misnaming of their headwear.

So, H.A.T.S have issued a directive declaring that repeat offenders of headwear misnaming will forced to wear a council traffic cone labelled “Hat Fool”. 

It occurred to me that I had a fish finger sandwich for lunch last Sunday. I reckon I’ll have ham in my sandwich tomorrow. 

Anyway, people are advised to avoid misnaming their headwear. There will be undercover H.A.T.S inspectors on patrol and they will be able to perform on-the-hat fines. 

(There is an ongoing 67-year legal battle over whether a sombrero worn indoors loses its hat status)